Devious doppelganger drama

A dispatch from Rafcop (Lemur Alliance)

Thamus has erroneously accused Emmuttmax of attacking a woman, with no attempt to provide his reader with the true version of events, which we can now divulge.
The important statements in the article are "The woman was bitten while at an exotic animal farm in Marquette County. Keepers said the woman stepped into the lemur cage."
The venerable Lemur Emmuttmax has never visited Marquette County, and has definitely never been caged,despite numerous attempts by the Thane Alliance (several bog hoppers with imaginary cats) to illegally capture him.
Readers will have noticed that no photograph of the woman attacked by the caged Lemur was provided by the Thanic truth distorters. We can now rectify this.



The 'woman' in question is none other than Mrs Mini O'Thane the wife of the evil leprechaun accompanying Thamus on his illicit fund raising tour of the USA. It is believed that this was an attempt to acquire an Emmuttmax doppelganger for the Thanes propaganda war against the freedom loving Lemur Alliance.
Fortunately the lemur in question was sufficiently frightened by Mrs O'Thane that when she grabbed hold of him he defended himself by biting her forehead, an action which ultimately saved him, as it resulted in his rescue by keepers. Having been thwarted once again what depths will the Thanes plumb next in their continuing propaganda war against the Lemur Alliance?

Pathetic Bird

A dispatch from Thamus (Celts & CATS leader)

So, the twittering bird brain ally of the lemurs now rises to the intellectual challenges of renewed hostilities. (Excuse inappropriate use of words like "brain" and "intellectual" in this context).
In his deconstruction of the Thanes' post on "the Father Christmas incident" fabricated by the ageing furball, the avian avatar managed to totally avoid the central case addressed - the bloody lemur attack on an innocent woman.
[Insert here a missing airy-feathery statement condemning simian violent abuse of human women].
No, instead, the feather-head Rafcop rambles on incoherently about the connection between a "catpiece" and a "codpiece".
May we all share what these idiots are presently smoking?
For the record, the so-called "catpiece" is Moody Blue, a very real loyal Russian Blue companion of Thane Thamus for many years.
Not quite a Pathetic Bob, but we're thinking about a frontal lobotomy to get Moody there.
Not!
[PICTURE: Rafcop's personal spokesfeather and screech-writer, Pompos Beek]

Casual tie of war

A dispatch from HAPPIBUN (Lemur Alliance)

It is with deep sorrow that I regret to inform you that the uneasy truce between the warring factions of Thannic Bogglers, Laudable Lemurs,
and Raffish Raptors, has yet again broken down.

Despite all the brave Lemur's desperate efforts to make peace, cattish remarks about codpieces and diving gear finally gave Thamus the bird, giving rise to a snipeing attempt to try and prove that toucan play at that game.

Thinking that he'd finally caught the Rabbit contingent of the alliance on the hop, the Celtic Curmudgeon furthered his secret plans to ruin mid winter festivities by posing as Santa Claws. We know his cries of innocence are no more than a smokescreen, for agents of the Bunny Brigade have infiltrated his secret animal testing labs at Castle Thomond at great risk to life and limb. Dastardly attempts to mutate innocent reindeer into cats are taking place at this very moment as this picture will testify.



Meeee ouch!

Further more the claims that the Wasted Warlord is secretly seething with jealousy over the athletic prowess of Lemurs seem to be born out by our agents. We discovered him trying out this unusual flotation device to aid him in his attempts to win the world Bog Snorkelling record, he seemed to rather like it. We gather that his insistence that he wears cumbersome codpieces at all times have been hampering his attempts to make it beyond the starting line.



Bog Snorkelling champions have nothing to fear, nor do the fashion conscious.

Quite honestly, we do not consider the accompanying flippers and rubber mask so much of a fashion fur pas, as the so called `catpiece'.

Though we Rabbits have been watching events unfold for quite some time, we felt that it would be prudent not to bring them to the attention of the public before now. We thought that action might be considered inflammatory, and on the whole we prefer the peaceful route. However, now the counter accusations are flying, we thought that we should bring the evidence to your attention so that you can make up your own minds.

The Thane may hide behind his cat for now, but given that the truth will out, no wonder he is feeling moody and blue.

Catpiece and codpiece

A dispatch from RAFCOP (Lemur Alliance)

Once again Thamus tries to pull the wool over peoples eyes, by stating that the evil leprechaun accompanying him on his nefarious mission to fleece american children over the Christmas period, was in fact a cat (Klaws McKibble) disguised as a 'helpful elf'. Preposterous, I know but it leads me on to the following facts. Some of you may have noticed the catpiece Thamus sports on his lap, there is an interesting historical tale regarding that affectation.
In the 1600's when codpieces were all the rage across the courts of europe, the Thanes read of them and decided to adopt the fashion themselves. Having taken the name codpiece a little too literally, there followed many complaints from female thanes regarding the aroma emanating from their affectations. Consequently the Thanes decided on their own version of the codpiece, the catpiece, reasoning that all women love furry little kitties.The only benefit of this fashion statement is that the Thanes have succeeded in keeping several taxidermists in business over the last four centuries, that would otherwise have gone to the wall.

'Kickass felines' to fight with Thanes

As the appalling slanderous attacks of the furballs and farting feathers against the noble Celtic Thanes rose to hysteria pitch to cover their nefarious plans of attack and conquest, signs of alarm and sympathy for the Thanes began to stir in The Stumbles.
Volunteers have started knocking on the gates of Thomond Castle, asking to join CATS (Cat and Thane Security) forces to help the righteous Thane cause of defending the globe from the evil cohorts of a certain lemur leader, (e.g., viz. EMMUTTMAX, op. cit., ibid.) and his befuddled and befeathered sidekick RAFCOP1976, and their shadowy alien backers. (Ominous sounds of inconsequential pro-lemur rabbiting have also been reported off center stage).
Among the first to arrive were two "kick arse felines," known as The Twisted Sisters, and generously despatched by stumbler Zilcho all the way from Italy to aid the Thane war effort.
"Let's get twisting some lemur neck," said Delilah. "And let's get baking some blackbirds," added Tallulah.
[PICTURE: The volunteer Twisted Sisters - left, Delilah the Decimator, and right Tallulah The Terminator, putting themselves in the paws of CATS commando training officer Furlined Fury after they arrived at Castle Thomond this morning].

Surprisingly balanced Thane Chronicle

A dispatch from EMMUTTMAX (Lemur Alliance)

A surprisingly balanced report of the ongoing hostilities between the evil Thanes of Thomond and the Lemur alliance. The heretofore thane scribe and chief saber rattler, Thamus, has uncovered an accurate chronicle of each side's thrusts and parries in the conflict that will ultimately decide the fate of the world.

To 'No Thumbs', one finger

Thanes respond to this RAFCOP1976 post:


I do not deign to thumb this particular site one way or the other. More slanderous diatribe from the wizened warlord of Thomond.


Ah, the peevishness of a species with no thumbs.
For those unfamiliar with the battle order (see the War Chronicle), this huffy, hook-beaked English raptor provides sneaky air-support for the lemurs in their treacherous war on the peaceful Irish Thane homelands.
He leads a vicious black-and-tan mercenary unit known as the RAP (Raptor Air Patrols).
They are more derisively and accurately known in Thane-supporting circles as the FFF - Formation of Farting Feathers.
We need no condescending thumbs or clawbacks, Sir.
Let the poop fall where it may!

Shock: 'Lemur savages innocent woman'

Trust the wily lemur leader (e.g., viz. EMMUTTMAX, op. cit., ibid.)
to come up with the most tired and cliched of known disreputable tactics to discredit their betters - Thane warriors for example - with snide accusations of "stealing candy from disabled children."
The truth was that the noble Thane warrior, who was standing in for Father Christmas, had been warned of thieving lemurs wandering the premises and had taken the kiddies valuables into safe keeping.
The Thane leader passed the valuables to his trusty feline intelligence chief, Klaws McKibble, brilliantly disguised as a helpful elf, who returned the items to the children, plus a generous free gift each, as they exited the mall.
All these ludicrous fabrications cannot of course distract intelligent readers from this genuine news item recently splashed across the Wisconsin media, which alerted Thane intelligence units. As they so recently warned [Below, "Be very afraid..."] a savage new lemur assault on humanity and felinity has begun, and this poor woman was its first publicised victim.
QUOTE: "A 31-year-old woman was transported to an area hospital after she was bitten by a lemur, officials at the Green Lake County Sheriff's Department said. The woman was bitten while at an exotic animal farm in Marquette County. Keepers said the woman stepped into the lemur cage. A sergeant said it appears the lemur bit the woman on the forehead. The Princeton ambulance service transported the woman to Ripon Medical Center where she was treated for the bite."
[PICTURE: The blood-fanged lemur after the unprovoked attack]
(It appears that the lemur's useless talking hound is so Pathetic that furball Emmuttmax even has to do his biting for him. Also, judging by his recent posts, the barking too).
There may be more savagery, unfortunately, but be assured the Thane and CATS (Cat and Thane Security) warriors are already confronting the menace of the lemurs and their alien allies with a blood-curdling war cry: "Bite me!"

Bad Santa

A dispatch from EMMUTTMAX (Lemur Alliance)



Ho Ho Ho, and a bottle of Irish Malt Whiskey, I thought the once-mighty Thamus, thane of Thomond could sink no lower into the vile muck of dastardliness, but it seems there is no depth to which odorous bog meister will not sink.
Recently, lemur loyalists learned of the thane's latest criminal enterprise to raise money to finance the resurgence of hostilities against the lemurs and their allies. Reports have been received that Thamus (whose high-school prom picture appears in the previous post), along with his diminutive henchman Mini O'Thane, have been hiring themselves out to shopping malls as Santa Claus and his elf. Inspired by the Billy Bob Thornton movie, "Bad Santa," Thamus and his accomplice have not only been ripping off mall stores after hours, they have also been picking the pockets of small children and their mothers as the wee kids pose on Santa's lap for a snapshot.
In a mall in Conoga Park, California, little Debbie Feeny fell victim to the duo's nefarious scheme when the Santa-Thane pinched her charm braclet as he lifted her onto his lap.
Debbie, who suffers from polio, menengitis, and an amputated left leg, said her Christmas was now ruined. "I thought Santa was supposed to be nice," said a tearful Debbie, "but he's mean. That bracelet was a gift from my dead grandmother. Now, Christmas is ruined."