Bad Santa

A dispatch from EMMUTTMAX (Lemur Alliance)



Ho Ho Ho, and a bottle of Irish Malt Whiskey, I thought the once-mighty Thamus, thane of Thomond could sink no lower into the vile muck of dastardliness, but it seems there is no depth to which odorous bog meister will not sink.
Recently, lemur loyalists learned of the thane's latest criminal enterprise to raise money to finance the resurgence of hostilities against the lemurs and their allies. Reports have been received that Thamus (whose high-school prom picture appears in the previous post), along with his diminutive henchman Mini O'Thane, have been hiring themselves out to shopping malls as Santa Claus and his elf. Inspired by the Billy Bob Thornton movie, "Bad Santa," Thamus and his accomplice have not only been ripping off mall stores after hours, they have also been picking the pockets of small children and their mothers as the wee kids pose on Santa's lap for a snapshot.
In a mall in Conoga Park, California, little Debbie Feeny fell victim to the duo's nefarious scheme when the Santa-Thane pinched her charm braclet as he lifted her onto his lap.
Debbie, who suffers from polio, menengitis, and an amputated left leg, said her Christmas was now ruined. "I thought Santa was supposed to be nice," said a tearful Debbie, "but he's mean. That bracelet was a gift from my dead grandmother. Now, Christmas is ruined."