Shock: 'Lemur savages innocent woman'

Trust the wily lemur leader (e.g., viz. EMMUTTMAX, op. cit., ibid.)
to come up with the most tired and cliched of known disreputable tactics to discredit their betters - Thane warriors for example - with snide accusations of "stealing candy from disabled children."
The truth was that the noble Thane warrior, who was standing in for Father Christmas, had been warned of thieving lemurs wandering the premises and had taken the kiddies valuables into safe keeping.
The Thane leader passed the valuables to his trusty feline intelligence chief, Klaws McKibble, brilliantly disguised as a helpful elf, who returned the items to the children, plus a generous free gift each, as they exited the mall.
All these ludicrous fabrications cannot of course distract intelligent readers from this genuine news item recently splashed across the Wisconsin media, which alerted Thane intelligence units. As they so recently warned [Below, "Be very afraid..."] a savage new lemur assault on humanity and felinity has begun, and this poor woman was its first publicised victim.
QUOTE: "A 31-year-old woman was transported to an area hospital after she was bitten by a lemur, officials at the Green Lake County Sheriff's Department said. The woman was bitten while at an exotic animal farm in Marquette County. Keepers said the woman stepped into the lemur cage. A sergeant said it appears the lemur bit the woman on the forehead. The Princeton ambulance service transported the woman to Ripon Medical Center where she was treated for the bite."
[PICTURE: The blood-fanged lemur after the unprovoked attack]
(It appears that the lemur's useless talking hound is so Pathetic that furball Emmuttmax even has to do his biting for him. Also, judging by his recent posts, the barking too).
There may be more savagery, unfortunately, but be assured the Thane and CATS (Cat and Thane Security) warriors are already confronting the menace of the lemurs and their alien allies with a blood-curdling war cry: "Bite me!"